GET TO STEPPIN'!

So tomorrow will be a week since my work path shifted. I've gone through all of the emotions one expects to go through when such a change takes place unexpectedly. Now more than ever it is time to keep steppin'. I'd built up such a momentum that it would be foolish to stall now. So, I sent emails to various brick and mortar bookstores, some who have an online shop option. To keep the spirits high, I also bought The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. The first time I ever heard of the title was from Will Smith. I tried to listen to it on YouTube, but I wasn't at a point where I was ready to receive what it had to offer. Fast forward and I am now ready to receive its message.  I look forward to all opportunity that springs forth. My faith is alive, and it is steadfast that I will achieve my goals.

When God Comes Knocking Open The Damn Door!

Yesterday I was let go from a position I held for a little over ten years. The truth is, I felt like I was in a cloud for most of the day. But I woke up this morning realizing that while I no longer have the convenience of a regular routine,  there is something greater awaiting me. I feel God closed this door because He has an even bigger one for me to walk through, but in order for me to see the value in that, He had to force me out of a situation that I was not very happy with in the first place, and was only going through the motions for. I kind of liken it to an adult child who is living at home with their parents, and they have no real motivation or ambition to leave until one day the parents say "GET THE EFF OUT!" I think God was telling me to get the eff out, because knowing me, I would have been content complaining about this job and the politics that go along with it for as long as it was all comfortable and routine.
I've said that my goal is to be a a full-time author who writes from home and makes a living. Here is that opportunity to do so and I'm scared shit-less. I don't want to fail. I want to be one of those great success stories of second chances. I have two published books that I am promoting. I have events set up for the summer, and connections to be made. I'm excited by the prospects, and grateful to have been forced into realizing my destiny. And while it would have been nice to have left that old life of my own volition, God came knocking when He did, and I opened the damn door.

My Thoughts Are Passing Like Clouds Today...

Looking for inspiration, though none exists that is long lasting. Nonetheless, I must find something to inspire my work. I am no William Burroughs; I won't be sitting still in an altered state watching the shadows crawl across my walls. My mind doesn't give in to things that way. Perhaps that is a curse. Perhaps my writing would only be helped if that were the case.

Wrote down my goals early this morning. Nothing far into the future, more like things to be done within the day or week. I finished two and a half of them. I'm supposed to record myself reading from my novels. The thought terrifies me. I would be a stuttering fool if I were to do that now. I'm not ready. And yet, I must become ready no later than mid week. I have a radio interview coming up a week from tomorrow. I'll have to talk out into a space that I'm not sure will be occupied with listeners. I can hope. Hope costs nothing to myself or anyone else for that matter, unless that hope is a false one.

One thing I am certain of, I have faith in  the work I do, that I am doing. And that isn't delusion speaking, and I'm sure it would sound divine uttered from another's lips, but the truth is, I have talent as a writer. Whether a  modicum or a filled stream's worth. And I have goals and ambitions that I hold fast to because without them I would go mad. And not in a melodramatic or psychotic way, but in a way in which one would have to sit alone in silence and think about all the choices he's made and how those choices have brought him to where he is at this moment. I own those poor choices. Owning them helps to keep me here in the moment.  I only have what I am doing here in this moment. And it has to work for me, because God knows I don't have anything else.

Just Something That Came To Mind...

A man once told me to enjoy my privilege. He said it with sarcasm dripping from his lips, and envy glowing in his eyes.
He wanted me to feel badly...to second guess the paths I've chosen, while he stews in the broth of his failures.
Such misdirected harpoons he throws as he stands at the foot of all of the bridges he's burned.
Consumed by bitterness, he does nothing to mend his broken wings so that he too might fly with those angels he won't believe in.
Instead, he dusts off a seat next to himself in hopes that he might find company with misery. And the man rolls his eyes at abundance before donning a mask of duplicity.
He winks at his own reflection through shards of his life...he thinks he's clever than most, even as the mask hangs precariously from his face.
All who've loved him stand a distance away, wasting time hoping he'll find joy after mending his wings.
But there isn't enough time in anyone's day. Bitterness burns his eyes, he can no longer see. And so he trips into the rubble of burned bridges.
He swats away the hands of those angels he won't believe in, waiting to die.
And die he does.

I Smile...

I've received three letters from readers of my book, The Dog Catcher, this week. This is a wonderful moment for me  because I get to see how the book has impacted people's lives.
As a writer, you want to know that someone is reading your work, but also that they are finding some reward having read it. These people inspired me to continue putting my all into my writing. The fact that they took time out of their day to tell me how much they loved my book is aces to me.  This motivation will carry me through. All of those moments when I think no one is "listening", this proves that yes, there are people peeking in on what I have to say. It's a good feeling. It makes me smile.

This new found motivation also inspires me to continue to press forward with promotion of The Dog Catcher. I have a few things in the works, things I wasn't sure would amount to much. Now I have the courage to to take action and see it through. If it doesn't work I can say that I  learned a new way not to do something.  Failure isn't an option...

What a difference a couple of years can make....

So, I've just been getting back into the swing of things. I've been creating my packet of notes and bits and pieces from my slush pile to use in crafting a half-way decent story that I'll be able to pound into a kick ass third novel!
I won't say that I never thought I'd start writing again because that would be too dramatic, even for me. But, I will say I knew it would take some time. I've always had a problem forging ahead with new projects when old ones remain undone. Tricks for a Trade is a baby that is long overdue. I began writing it back in  2005, and thankfully, once I got the good ol' ego in check, I was able to let the story become what it is today. And I gotta say, I'm in love with what it has become, and am glad to see it finally brought to publication.

Along the way I've had to let a lot of things go, not to mention a few people, too. It simply had to be done if I was going to continue  my journey as a writer, and become a success at it. I had to get rid of the nay sayers, and the people who insist that I be comfortable with being average. I had to kick to the curb the people who insist I be realistic , and downgrade my dreams because they didn't achieve theirs.

Bishop T.D Jakes speaks of the turtle and the giraffe, and how they both can co-exist in the same space and have two entirely different world views. And those views aren't necessarily bad either because the turtle eats what it views, and what it views is closer to the ground, whereas the giraffe eats from the tree tops. The giraffe doesn't need to endanger itself by following the turtle through its viewpoint. And so, I realized that I was allowing a lot of turtles to dictate to me what was what, when I should have been happy keeping my gaze high, even if it got a tad lonely. Because bringing myself down with the turtles, while I may have been in a lot of company, it wasn't the best company for me. And this is not to say that there is anything wrong with being a turtle. But there is something wrong with allowing oneself to compromise themselves on account of someone else who will never  know or appreciate any world view beyond their own. Turtles will never enjoy the world from where a giraffe sees it.
Part of what made this transition appropriate was the fact that I finally realized that the person I suspected of sabotage was indeed trying to sabotage me. It didn't matter that he'd call me to tell me how much he loved me or how much he wanted me to succeed because he was always placing obstacles(i.e bad ideas) in my way. His actions showed me more than his words could ever express. And so, I had to get rid of him and what he represents.  I will never have the conversation that I want to have with him, because I feel he's far too broken to own his part in this. Still, I wish him nothing but the best.

Let me encourage you to rid yourself of unnecessary things and people that serve no purpose besides slowing your progress. Stand firm in the belief that your self respect and self preservation is more important than hanging on to things and people that will never be of any true use to you.