Monday, March 30, 2015


So tomorrow will be a week since my work path shifted. I've gone through all of the emotions one expects to go through when such a change takes place unexpectedly. Now more than ever it is time to keep steppin'. I'd built up such a momentum that it would be foolish to stall now. So, I sent emails to various brick and mortar bookstores, some who have an online shop option. To keep the spirits high, I also bought The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. The first time I ever heard of the title was from Will Smith. I tried to listen to it on YouTube, but I wasn't at a point where I was ready to receive what it had to offer. Fast forward and I am now ready to receive its message.  I look forward to all opportunity that springs forth. My faith is alive, and it is steadfast that I will achieve my goals.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

When God Comes Knocking Open The Damn Door!

Yesterday I was let go from a position I held for a little over ten years. The truth is, I felt like I was in a cloud for most of the day. But I woke up this morning realizing that while I no longer have the convenience of a regular routine,  there is something greater awaiting me. I feel God closed this door because He has an even bigger one for me to walk through, but in order for me to see the value in that, He had to force me out of a situation that I was not very happy with in the first place, and was only going through the motions for. I kind of liken it to an adult child who is living at home with their parents, and they have no real motivation or ambition to leave until one day the parents say "GET THE EFF OUT!" I think God was telling me to get the eff out, because knowing me, I would have been content complaining about this job and the politics that go along with it for as long as it was all comfortable and routine.
I've said that my goal is to be a a full-time author who writes from home and makes a living. Here is that opportunity to do so and I'm scared shit-less. I don't want to fail. I want to be one of those great success stories of second chances. I have two published books that I am promoting. I have events set up for the summer, and connections to be made. I'm excited by the prospects, and grateful to have been forced into realizing my destiny. And while it would have been nice to have left that old life of my own volition, God came knocking when He did, and I opened the damn door.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

My Thoughts Are Passing Like Clouds Today...

Looking for inspiration, though none exists that is long lasting. Nonetheless, I must find something to inspire my work. I am no William Burroughs; I won't be sitting still in an altered state watching the shadows crawl across my walls. My mind doesn't give in to things that way. Perhaps that is a curse. Perhaps my writing would only be helped if that were the case.

Wrote down my goals early this morning. Nothing far into the future, more like things to be done within the day or week. I finished two and a half of them. I'm supposed to record myself reading from my novels. The thought terrifies me. I would be a stuttering fool if I were to do that now. I'm not ready. And yet, I must become ready no later than mid week. I have a radio interview coming up a week from tomorrow. I'll have to talk out into a space that I'm not sure will be occupied with listeners. I can hope. Hope costs nothing to myself or anyone else for that matter, unless that hope is a false one.

One thing I am certain of, I have faith in  the work I do, that I am doing. And that isn't delusion speaking, and I'm sure it would sound divine uttered from another's lips, but the truth is, I have talent as a writer. Whether a  modicum or a filled stream's worth. And I have goals and ambitions that I hold fast to because without them I would go mad. And not in a melodramatic or psychotic way, but in a way in which one would have to sit alone in silence and think about all the choices he's made and how those choices have brought him to where he is at this moment. I own those poor choices. Owning them helps to keep me here in the moment.  I only have what I am doing here in this moment. And it has to work for me, because God knows I don't have anything else.